Friday, August 03, 2007

the new Batman movie is filming this summer in Chicago, but this is ridiculous

Here's what woke me up last night:

That is a brown bat hanging from the blinds in my apartment.

Around 1:30AM I was in bed, drifting in that half awake/half asleep phase, when something fluttered near my head. In the half light of my dark bedroom, I could see something zooming around. My first thought was "Whatthefuckisthat?" Then I thought it was a big moth. Then a bird. Then the thing zoomed by me again and I ran out of my bedroom with a pillow over my head and shut myself in the bathroom.

After standing a minute in my bathroom, cradling my pillow and whimpering, I cracked open the door. The thing was now flying around the living room. A bat!

A bat???

Lots of bats in urban areas, apparently. And I live near a cemetery so no doubt there's spooky-ass Transylvania shit flying around. I have rickety, gap-toothed window screens, so it's not impossible that a bat could've found its way in. What really makes me uneasy thinking that it came into my apartment looking for bugs.

I opened the bathroom door. Nothing flying around anymore. I tip toe slowly through the living room, eyes scanning the high places. He's gotta be somewhere! All's quiet in the bedroom and kitchen - but in the dark kitchen I can see something on the blinds.

The orange warning tag on the blinds reads:
WARNING: blinds may be used as resting place for bats when they are done scaring the shit out of you

I've never had to deal with a bat in my apartment. It never occurred to me that a bat would ever find his way into my apartment. Frankly, I don't give much thought to bats period.

I opened up the screens in the living room and in the other kitchen window and crossed my fingers he'd find his own way out. Or he would send out an echolocation Evite to his bat-friends letting him know he found a great apartment with lots of bugs in the windowsills. Or I would leave the screens open and wake up in the morning to find squirrels in my apartment.

I worried that the flash from my camera would startle the bat and he would attack me. Then I remembered bats are blind. Then I remembered, no they're not, that's a common misconception and he would attack me. I took the picture anyway, and he didn't seem to mind.

I left the bat hanging in the kitchen and I went back to my bedroom and shut the door. I also put down a towel to block the gap between the door and the floor because what if the bat decided to give up flying? (You get a license to be a little stupid when a wild animal dive bombs you in your sleep. I also named the bat Slugger).

This morning, I exited my bedroom with much caution and scouted around my apartment. No sign of the bat. Phew! I hope you're well, bat friend. And if you're not well, I hope I don't find your little body rotting behind my furniture.