Monday, May 26, 2008

ode to the frosty malt cup guy on memorial day at wrigley field

Hey! -- frosty malt cup guy!
I see you!
You saw me see you.
Can we acknowledge our eye contact later?
You'll come back to aisle 209?
Like in the 5th inning?
When I want your frosty malt cup?
Okay good.
(time passes)
(it is now, yes, the 5th inning)
Okay where are you?
I want my frosty malt cup now.
I haven't seen you since the 1st inning,
waving your yellow frosty malt cup.
Do I have to go underground to get my malt cup?
I don't want to.
Don't make me.
Oh dammmit c'mon now this isn't funny,
we had an unspoken understanding that you would...
that you would...
return.
No, fine, it's okay, I'll get up
I'll get my own frosty malt cup
in the bowels of Wrigely Field hell.
Fine.
I said FINE!
I'll walk down to the food and beer stand.
Wait.
Hold on.
I'm paying $2.75 for a malt cup
I'm supposed to get a wooden stick spoon
with my malt cup.
These are plastic.
I SAID THIS IS A PLASTIC SPOON
IT'S NOT THE SAME!
IT TASTES BETTER SCOOPED WITH
A STICK OF WOOD!
Fine.
I said FINE!
I'll eat it with a plastic spoon
but I won't enjoy it nearly as much.