Friday, June 26, 2009

I decided last minute-ish to fly to San Diego to see this.

I'm out the door in a few.

A slight entertainment in the meantime. The genius of this, besides everything, is the use of a karaoke cover of Da Do Run Run. Get to the choppa, kitteh!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I didn't see 'the piano lesson' at The Court

(on Gchat with Brian)

Brian: you know what i saw that was amazing was 'the piano lesson' at court

fucking loved it
really amazing
me: I haven't seen 1) anything at the Court, or 2) an August Wilson play. So I should probably see that
Brian: you'll get your chance again soon
ma rainey's black bottom is their first show of next season
same director
i've seen fences and the piano lesson at the court now and they were both amazing
me: I want to see The Piano Lesson, so, I should do something about that
Brian: it closed :(
me: FUCK!!!!!!!
(throws chair against an upright piano)
Brian: that's the lesson
me: Learned.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

o, california!

To my dear friends in California:

I know it's been rough. Your state is descending into crippling depression, it routinely gets set on fire, and earthquakes will cause it to drift into the Pacific. What can I do to help? I can offer the gift of theatre! Ooh aah. Two of my plays open on the West Coast very soon. They are funny plays. While you are laughing, you can forget that sharks have developed a taste for human meat as a result of Mexican drug traffickers dumping bodies in the ocean.

The Butcher of Baraboo produced by MOXIE Theatre
San Diego, CA
June 6 - June 28

Ten Cent Night produced by The Victory Theatre Center
Burbank, CA
June 19 - August 2

See, it's not all gloom and doom.

Friday, June 05, 2009

revised pixar film rankings

  1. Toy Story 2
  2. Wall-E
  3. Up
  4. Toy Story
  5. Monsters Inc
  6. The Incredibles
  7. A Bug's Life
  8. Finding Nemo
  9. Ratatouille
  10. Cars*
* I haven't seen Cars.

  • The first 10 minutes of Up made me as teary as the Sarah McLachlan musical interlude in Toy Story 2
  • Tough call between Wall-E and Up. I err on the side of adorable, sentient robots
  • However, I may swap the rankings of Up and Monsters Inc in a few years
  • I'm in the minority on my #7 ranking of A Bug's Life

first names are disregarded

A startling declaration in the stacks of the Harold Washington Library. It's not accurate. First names are regarded when multiple authors have the same last name. In your face, Chicago Public Library.

I was there to return an overdue book that I didn't finish and wasn't going to finish. Might as well browse the shelves and pick up another book that will accrue a fine 3+ weeks from now. Thanks always to the circulation desk staff for your belligerent service. I understand that checking out books is a major fucking inconvenience.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

On the timeline of human existence, falling thousands of feet from the sky into the ocean at hundreds of miles per hour is a new way to die. A plane crash would be as exotic to a caveman as being gored by a mastodon would be to me. What's so terrifying about an airplane catastrophe (besides the whole "it could happen to you" part followed by the whole death part) is the amount of time it would take from the airplane breaking apart -- assuming you survive that -- to final impact. Do any physics brains want to do the math? Minutes, right? Holy shit, right? I would be too jacked with fear and adrenaline to do much beyond process the endgame stimuli. I probably wouldn't even unbuckle from my plummeting seat. Would I be conscious at the rapid loss of cabin pressure? I have no idea. The living can only speculate about the journey to death. When these news stories cause anxiety, I find this episode of This American Life comforting: Last Words

(yes, I know, air travel is a million times safer than driving a mile from my apartment blah blah blah)

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

lalala omg wtf haha

Whenever I'm having a bad day, I do two things.

#1) I think about all the words that mean "to spray with shit"

  • bescumber
  • conskite
  • immerd
  • ordurous
  • sharny
  • shitten
#2) I watch this 24 second clip of a guy singing and smoking (something) in the shower. I've been meaning to never ever post this YouTube video, but it has turned into my favorite thing on the Internet after Geoffrey posted it on his Facebook page.

Watch this clip a few times. Do not worry if you do not understand it. This is not a litmus test.

Study Guide Questions:
  1. Why was this filmed and posted on the Internet?
  2. What is he smoking?
  3. Why is there shaving cream on his face when he is clearly not at the shaving point of his hygienic ritual?
  4. At 0:17, our hero discovers the meaning of life. In 10 words or less, please explain the meaning of life.
  5. No, really, what is he smoking?